


say bye to me

by hamsterkwon



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Mentions of Suicidal Thoughts, Oneshot, Romance, Soonhoon - Freeform, howoo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-16
Updated: 2017-11-16
Packaged: 2019-02-03 06:43:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12743094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hamsterkwon/pseuds/hamsterkwon
Summary: At 3pm, Jihoon wished that he was home.He had so many things left to do - Composing, reviewing lyrics from the Hip-Hop Team, recording, touch-ups for his latest song.That was his plan before Soonyoung asked him out for coffee.





	say bye to me

**Author's Note:**

> my first fic c': please be gentle ;;

## say bye to me

At 3pm, Jihoon wished that he was home.

He had so many things left to do - Composing, reviewing lyrics from the Hip-Hop Team, recording, touch-ups for his latest song.

That was his plan before Soonyoung asked him out for coffee.

_"Jihoonie, you can't stay in your studio all day. Let's go for a walk."_

He hadn't wanted to go, but Soonyoung's begging seemed ceaseless. To appease the stubborn dancer, he agreed.  
  
It was cold out that day. They went to a small cafe at the end of the street. Soonyoung's favorite place. He always mentioned how cozy it was, how the fragrance of brewing coffee always put him in a good mood. Although it wasn't the case for Jihoon that day, it was something he would remember for a long time to come.

The whole time Soonyoung was babbling on about  _everything_ , Jihoon only had work on his mind. Composing, lyrics, recording. He thought about how maybe coming out with Soonyoung wasn't the best idea. Maybe he should have stayed home. Maybe then, Soonyoung would have too.

_"Jihoon-ah, are you listening? The chocolate cake there was really good!"_

"Uh... Yeah," He hid his face behind the mug that was too big for his hands, taking a sip of his warm coffee. "About the cake."

_"It was unreal. I'll bring you sometime."_

Jihoon remembers lowering the mug and watching the dancer's face light up in another one of his brilliant smiles - They always managed to make him feel better. Jihoon found something endearing about the dancer's thin eyes; They smiled along with him. He wasn't too sure what he would do now, though.

The composer didn't talk much while they were there. Soonyoung was usually good at keeping conversations going, but that day, Jihoon might have been a little quieter than usual. The blond started off chatty, but as the minutes passed, he had dulled down. Whenever Jihoon spoke, it was about work - About music. He didn't ask about how Soonyoung was doing. He didn't talk about himself.

Soonyoung must've felt like Jihoon wasn't interested in keeping their special bond anymore. Maybe at that time, he had made Soonyoung feel like  _just another someone._

_"Hey. If there's really so much work you have left, you could've just told me..."_

"I didn't because you were being such a stubborn prick." There was something about Soonyoung's statement that made Jihoon's blood boil. He should've known. He should've known that Jihoon was  _always_  busy - Jihoon only makes time for Soonyoung because he is so, so precious to the little composer. He didn't have to put it that way and make Jihoon sound like the bad guy, right? Soonyoung should've known. Jihoon prays that he did.

He remembers seeing Soonyoung go quiet for a moment, that radiant smile leaving his features. Jihoon shrinks in his seat - Had he hurt Soonyoung's feelings? If only he could tell him now that he didn't mean to.

_"Look.... I just thought that it would be unhealthy for you to stay cooped up all day. I'm sorry."_

_No. I'm the one who's sorry._

-

At 5pm, Jihoon left the cafe. The sun was beginning to set. The skies darkened rather early in the autumn. On the streets were happy couples, laughing together while taking pictures and sharing ice cream. Kids who had just finished school were chasing one another down the lane, yelling at the top of their lungs as they ran. Parents with their children made their way home, faces filled with smiles as rosy as the sunset.

The composer noticed that Soonyoung had brushed their hands together. He doesn't respond, he pauses instead. Jihoon knows why he didn't. He was afraid, he was embarrassed. He was such an idiot.

He lets Soonyoung walk him back to the studio and they had spent the afternoon without even linking hands - They used to be just like the rest of the people on the streets.

_"Jihoon-ah, are you still angry?"_

He wasn't. He knows he wasn't.

_"Don't stay angry for too long, okay? I love you."_

Jihoon was already making his way up the steps to enter the building. He remembers the last time he turned back to glance at Soonyoung. To watch that beautiful smile grace his features.

" _Silence? Okay, Jihoonie."_

Soonyoung said with a light laugh, a sound Jihoon always missed whenever they were apart.

_"Bye, then. I'll see you later, hopefully. Come home and sleep early, okay?"_

The little composer turns away and continues on his way up, pushing open the glass doors that were much bigger than him. He hates himself for even being unable to respond to such a simple statement then. He should have did it - He should have just opened his mouth and said those few words.

'Bye. I love you too.'

It wasn't very hard, was it?

Jihoon had missed his chance.

_"Yah, say bye to me!"_

By then, Jihoon was already gone. He had closed the door behind him, but heard Soonyoung's last sentence. The dancer had called for him, giving him his final chance. Alas, like the idiot he is, Jihoon ruined that, too.

-

At 9pm, Jihoon was doing what he had planned to. He wouldn't deny that he was rather content. He wouldn't deny that work occupied a large portion of his thoughts. He was always concerned with doing a good job - Not letting his teammates down. His only regret was that he let that inhabit a larger part of his mind than he let Soonyoung.

He was so lost in the new tune he was playing on the keyboard. So engrossed with his computer, his notebooks; He almost didn't notice when his cellphone rang. Now, he wants to hit himself for letting out a groan of frustration. He picks up.

"Yeah, what do you want?"

_"Jihoon-ah, it's urgent. Get off your computer right now."_

Seungcheol's stern, serious tone had surprised the composer. He was usually so warm - So gentle when they weren't dealing with work matters. Jihoon assumed that that was what he was calling about.

"Okay. What's up?"

_"Soonyoung... Soonyoung was in an accident."_

-

At 10pm, Jihoon was at the hospital. Seungcheol was already there with Jeonghan, along with a couple of others. They were speaking to the head doctor.

He remembers making his way over to where the rest were, everyone was panicking - Soonyoung was sent straight to the emergency room. The doctor said that he had fractured his ribs, his chest was close to collapsing and his organs had ruptured. Jihoon couldn't focus on the severity of his injuries because from the corner of his eye, he saw that outside, reporters were piling up to enter for the latest scoop - Only to be stopped by security. They were deployed early, thankfully. Jihoon remembers finding it disgusting that the paparazzi was more concerned with getting their articles famous than with Soonyoung.

He goes to sit at the chairs and Jeonghan joins him while Seungcheol paces up and down the hallway, obviously unsettled. Jihoon thinks about the events that had taken place that day. He thinks about Soonyoung trying his best to make a conversation with him, about Soonyoung's eyes when Jihoon hurt him. He thinks about Soonyoung's smile.

Soonyoung always managed to smile. He smiled through all the hard times they had together. Jihoon wished that he would get up and smile now - He wished that Soonyoung would laugh and say that everything would turn out fine. Like he always did.

But that was impossible, right? Who knows how long Soonyoung would take to recover? Who knows how long he would stay unconcious for?

He bites his lip when he feels Jeonghan begin to rub small circles into his back. The hot tears pricking his eyes felt so foreign. His days had really gotten so much brighter after Soonyoung appeared in his life. The composer almost forgot what it felt like to cry; Soonyoung had been channeling his own happiness to Jihoon this whole time. Jeonghan was soothing, but what Jihoon really yearned for was Soonyoung's warm embrace.

At 11, he is hit with regret.

He regrets not bothering with their conversation this afternoon. He regrets not paying more attention. He regrets ignoring Soonyoung outside the Pledis building. He regrets not smiling because it was what Soonyoung always liked to see - He regrets not holding the dancer's familar hands. He regrets not saying those three, simple words before Soonyoung left-

_I love you._

If only he had known what was bound to happen. If only Soonyoung was here to hear it.

_You said you were going to bring me to that place, that place with the amazing cake_

_Because you knew I would like it, didn't you?_

He hears the doors to the emergency room open. Jeonghan pulls his hand away, curious about the doctor who had made his way out. Jihoon feels even colder.

_I was listening to you just now. You know, right?_

He sees Seungcheol step up to speak to the doctor and Jeonghan doing the same. Jihoon could have followed suit. He doesn't because his legs felt heavy - But his heart was heavier.

_Don't leave me. You can't, not yet_

_You're the one that told me to rest early, but it's so late now and I'm still here, waiting for you_

_You're okay, right?_

_There are still so many things we have to do together_ -

**_"We're sorry."_ **

-

At 12am, the little composer's world came crashing down. After hearing those words, Seungcheol bites his lip and Jeonghan went completely blank. Seungkwan had heard from the chairs opposite Jihoon, and broke down in tears. Hansol tries to comfort him - Joshua looks down at the floor before grimly moving to wipe at Chan's brimming eyes.

Jihoon was left to sit alone.

He begins to say his final goodbyes in his head, but realized along the way that Soonyoung was already gone. The doctor said he had left just a few minutes ago.

He stops.

_Say bye to me, too._

Maybe he could never make Soonyoung happy. Maybe he was never able to make him truly laugh. He hates himself so much - For not loving Soonyoung. For making all these stupid choices. For never being able to do anything right.

Jihoon thought that maybe it was karma. Karma for not appreciating what he had. He didn't appreciate it, and so it was taken away. Well, karma could've done a better job. Maybe it could've taken him, too.

The clock ticks and it was at 12:01am when Jihoon wished he was dead.

_/end/_

**Author's Note:**

> AHHH i hope that wasn't too dark for my first fic ><
> 
> anyways thank you all so much for reading!!
> 
> until next time c:
> 
> (ig: @imagine_hoshi)


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